Hello! It’s been a while, yes. I know. I’ve been thinking what on earth I can write about now that Lent has finished, I’m wearing makeup again occasionally but I’m so happy to write to you all that I wear it because I want to, not because I feel I have to. PRAISE JESUS. So at the moment, life is kinda boring because I’m doing all this revision and its so dull I DONT CARE, but then I have to try and find that new motivation cause otherwise I’ll never get anything done. But it’s sunny, WHAT EVEN IS THAT, the most surprising bit about all of this is that I’m strangely excited for the sunny weather. Usually I just get annoyed and hot and grim and hate life because I want to be wearing a jumper and not getting all hot and bothered at the same time. But this year, mainly inspired by my makeup-less Lent, I decided to do something really brave and buy a maxi dress. Now, this might not seem like much of a big deal. To be honest, it’s less of a deal now I’ve worn it once or twice and actually ventured outside, but still. At the time it was a big deal. I thought that to wear a maxi dress I had to look like the girl up there, and don’t get me wrong, she’s gorgeous just the way she is. I just got panicked because I know I’m never going to be that skinny or master the whole smoulder thing she’s got going on up there without looking like a complete tool, so I was a bit apprehensive at first as to whether the maxi was a good move for me.
Turns out, it was. My main message in this post is going to be about confidence in size and how we look. This is how I look in my maxi dress:
Now. I look quite different. (Ha, I’ve managed to get that whole hip thing going but no smoulder, praise Jesus) Firstly. I got massively panicked. Mainly because of how comfortable this thing is I don’t ever really want to take it off! But there was still that bit of me that needed the approval of others to wear this dress. See, I love a bit of girly shopping as much as Kate Moss probably does, I love giving all the style advice (cause I totally have style… #clash?) and picking out clothes for different things. I love it. Especially where I’m living now for uni, Canterbury has the most beautiful shops and I literally spend hours there. It’s FAB. And also horrific for my bank balance but hey, I guess that’s what an overdraft is for, right?
ANYWAY. I ordered this dress online, and when it arrived I was all excited. Tried it on and was strangely impressed with my appearance. This look is really different for me, in case my earlier mention of panic was just not obvious enough. There are bits of my body I really don’t like and this dress highlights quite a few of them. But because I was comfortable, because I was happy with how flipping cool this dress makes me feel (temperature wise, social coolness goes without saying… HA) I decided to make a choice about how to view my body. I know I eat too much chocolate and way too much cake and all the rest of it. But does my size determine how beautiful I am? No, no it doesn’t. I know I’m one of the bigger gals in my clan, but does it mean that they love me any less or look at me differently? No. It doesn’t. I’m different and unique, I have curves and wobbly bits I wish weren’t there and I have crazy big hair and a gappy smile. And SO WHAT? Body image is so important, but it’s important to remember where we get our body image from. I’m choosing to listen to Jesus’ voice on this one. I tried on my dress, and yes there was panic, but there was also reassurance from my loving Father who told me I looked gorgeous – because he made me to look gorgeous. He knows all about my body and all about the bits I don’t like. And guess what? He loves them just as much as the bits I love too. He loves them all. I’m an imperfect, fairly normal girl, I don’t have any implants or fake lashes or tan (if you choose that, that’s cool for you, I just don’t fancy it myself). I’m realising every day that my beauty is natural, so I’m working with what Jesus gave me and I’m choosing confidence. It isn’t about size or weight or body shape. It’s about confidence. If I carry this dress off with a smile on my face and skip in my step, I can look beautiful. Heck, if I wore a bin bag and felt comfy and happy in it then WHO CARES? What I wear isn’t about you or anybody else. It’s about me and Jesus. It’s about comfort and it’s about learning to love the body He gave you.
If you struggle with body image, welcome to my world. You might look like the lovely lass at the top of this post and think that you’re not good enough. You’re not beautiful, curvy, skinny enough, whatever. And the truth is, you’re gorgeous. Clothes can be another mask. I know I mentioned this in my Lent stuff briefly with makeup, but clothes work just the same way. If I wear a certain something that highlights some bits of my body I love and dims down on the ones I don’t like, then hooray. I can be perfect, right? Guess what guys, I have those crazy Bridget Jones pants – I have like 5 pairs of them in different shapes and stuff and clingyness. They’re really flipping comfy. But I know without them and all their controlness of the wobbly bits, I still look beautiful anyway. I’m not saying wear clothes that you’re not comfortable in or wear things that hide your beauty, I’d be a massive hypocrite if I said that. I’m just saying, think about why you’re wearing those clothes. Is it to get the approval of others, to get that guy to notice the hips you have or smile in a certain way with that lipstick on to give out a certain message? Or are you wearing them because hey, you’re beautiful – and you’d still be beautiful in a bin bag.
I think Jesus cares about clothes. In the garden of Eden once Adam and Eve had sinned, God made coverings for them out of the leaves and whatnot. He cares. He saw their shame – note their shame, not God’s shame – and he sympathised and took care of them. God knows how you feel about your body and the bits you do and don’t like. But he also knows how much time he spent putting you together and how much he ardently and perfectly loves every last little inch of you. He’s looking after you – he’s got those leaves ready for you. But he also sees you just as you are, every day and for all days. God is not ashamed of you. God is not disappointed in you and he is certainly not regretting how he made you or how you look. He’s loving you. Loving you so much he’s willing to give you those leaves and work through this with you. Start with Jesus, start with your loving Father when it comes to body image. Don’t worry about the world – those guys and gals who make you feel so small when you wear that shirt or dress or whatever. Make the leaves Jesus’ words: you are beautiful, chosen, sacred and loved. Jesus covers you in his love. He covers the bits you hate with His love.
Now go out there, and strut the love – even if you are wearing a bin bag, you’re beautiful remember?
Peace and blessings x
annieanais: 