Well, well. I’m guessing the title caught your attention, huh? Check me out using ‘>’ in one of those cool indie ways in my blog post. I’m feeling super modern and down with it this evening, ladies and gents. However, I’m also feeling a little bit sad about some stuff. Not sad in a ‘oh no, the world is gonna end’ kinda way, but in a general ‘I’m sure this could be better’ kinda way instead. I’m hoping this blog post will make that a bit clearer.
I’m writing tonight about sex. Oh yes, I can hear you now – the Essex gal has finally come out ladies and gents, gird your loins! – but I’m afraid to say there will be no cheeky sex tips from me as of present. HA. Anyway. Before I go any further with all of this, I am not writing this post from a place of condemnation or judgement. I’m not that kind of girl, to be honest. What I may write, though, may strike some chords and if it any of it offends you in anyway, then that’s a bit pants and I’m sorry for it.
I’m primarily going to be talking about me. I’m not divulging details, or giving out phone numbers or setting up some sort of dating agency here. I’m just talking from my experience. There’s some blog articles going round at the moment, like “It happened to me: I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity and Regretted It” (found here) and the rebuttle: “Dear Girl Who Waited and Wishes She Didn’t” (found here). Sex before marriage is a hot topic, as it always, always has been and I highly doubt that is going to change anytime soon. I could write this from the perspective of blame, that the media and social networking are causing such an increase in teenagers having sex at younger and younger ages, or that teen pregnancy rates are going up and up all the time. Or I could say that we need more education about sex, which is basically where I’m coming from with all of this.
I’ve been in a few relationships here and there, and boundaries may have been made and then broken, but welcome to every teenage girl’s life on the planet. No surprises here. I seem to always remember that bit in Genesis though, after anything has really happened – or rather, when that all too familiar feeling of guilt sets in and I feel dirty and ashamed of myself. “The two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). A panic would set in; am I one flesh with this person now? Have I just given too much of myself away?
The first piece of advice that was given to me was to set boundaries and set them early. This, however, is the first difficult hurdle. Where do we draw the line? Honestly, I have no idea at all.
The verse up top is from Psalm 119. It’s all about God’s law and God’s word, and as it says all the way up there (sorry I have rambled for a while already), God’s word can work as a lamp for our feet in this world. I’ve chosen to live my life for Jesus and most of the time I get it terribly, terribly wrong. I read verses like your body is a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19) and the good old Genesis bit and I really do panic. There is no chapter and verse about how far is too far. All we have is the actual act of sex – that one fleshness – and it seems we should wait until someone’s put a ring on it.
But if I’ve broken these boundaries, have I crossed my own line into one fleshness? See, now it all just gets super confusing and super hurtful and damaging for whoever it is who may or may not be having a good time under the sheets. All I know is, like every other human being on the planet, I am a sexual person. Part of my DNA I’m afraid, just like it’s a part of yours. What I’ve done with my body hasn’t always been what I wanted to happen, but for the most part, it’s my choice – even if I did regret any of it afterwards.
So here we have a situation in which men and women are struggling with wanting to get their end away and reconciling themselves with God. (You might not be in this category, but keep reading) If God’s word really is a lamp onto my feet, what do I feel it’s saying to me?
I’ve chosen, a long time ago, to wait to have sex until I get married. This isn’t a popular view and I’m not expecting some weird round of applause for it, either (I’ve had this done once, most awkward half a minute of my life). I don’t want praise, I just want respect, I guess. Just like I’ll respect you if you’re the complete opposite of all of this. Despite making my decision, I have massively messed up. I’ve got it so, so wrong. I’ve battled with being made in the image of God; being fearfully and wonderfully made – yet wired up to be turned on by certain things or wanting to get involved with someone even though the red lights and sirens are going off and everyone else seems to hear and see them but me. It happens.
I have had to reconcile myself with this for a long, long time. Becoming a Christian at 15, and going to a mixed secondary school, it was difficult watching friends get involved (yes, that kind of involved) with people and going home and not finding an attractive half naked man waiting in my bed for me. Boo. From what I can read, the Bible is pro-sex. 110% loves the stuff. The title of this blog is a bit cheeky I think, but if it’s erotic literature you want (although I don’t know if 50 Shades counts… hmm, another blog coming on I reckon) then Song of Solomon is what you’re after. Yeah sure, it’s a bit different having your hair compared to a flock of goats and breasts compared to pomegranates (you’re all going to go and read it now to see if I’m lying aren’t you?!) but contextually, this stuff was HOT.
I think I’m getting off topic a little bit here. Anyway. What I’m trying to say in a round about Annie way, is that God’s plan for sex is a bit different to what our own might be. At the moment, I am single, and am very much still a virgin. I’m not perfect, I’m not completely out of touch. But this is a struggle, and that’s why I’m writing this. I believe God made Himself known to me in Jesus and because of that my life changed. When I read about Jesus, pray to Him and experience Him, my life changes just a little bit more. My view of sex has definitely changed. Waiting until marriage was definitely not always the first option, but now it definitely is – for me. I’m not writing this as some weird purity freak (and no, I don’t have a ring with ‘true love waits’ or whatever engraved on the inside, ew), I’m just writing about it because I feel like I should. It’s the choice to do this that made me put such a high value and have a real respect for sex, whether it be hearing the latest ‘I slept with so and and so and it was awesome’ jealousy, or hearing about how one of my friends really loves her boyfriend and went for it story over the years. Whatever your attitude to sex, this will equate to the value you put on it. Does that make sense? And whatever that value, as long as no one is getting hurt and you’re still a decent human being, then I think that’s cool (but seriously, have some respect okay? No one likes that kinda person). Waiting for marriage, waiting for sex in marriage, for me is a big deal. I’m excited about the awkward fumbles the first time, and the ‘oh, what a lovely… torso, you have” moments. That’s what I want. And I want it, because God has made it clear it’s what He wants for me, too. But at the end of the day I can write all of this Christian jargon, but if you’re loved, committed and you’re safe, then I guess that’s your call and there’s no judgement from me at all – just keep reading, even if it’s out of pure nosiness. 😉
I want that one fleshness, I want that temple to be joined with only one other temple. I’m not naive, I know this may still very much not happen at all. But this leads me onto my second point. I trust God, and I believe His path is the right one for me, but I also know that whatever path I end up taking, He’ll meet me out there on the road, too.
So. I’m guessing some of you reading this are filled with pasts regrets and guilts and just EURGH feelings around this whole sex issue. This little quip for Romans 8:28 sums it up really. God really can turn it all around. Grace isn’t just some fancy word that Christians use to make themselves feel better. I believe it’s totally real. It’s that undeserved forgiveness that, when we accept it, we change. Grace has to start with Jesus, but also with you, too. If you’re stuck in this bubble of self-hatred and regret because of your past, you need to realise you are worth so much more. That fling you had or that bedded and fled situation you’ve been in (I was going to use a more explicit version but hey, let’s not) and you’re just covered in guilt, YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT. Grace is the right we don’t deserve that turns our wrongs into rights again, and it’s a fresh start. My advice for anyone out there who may be in the same situation as me, or has been, or whatever else – struggling in a current relationship, I don’t know. If you’re a Christian, make sure you keep God in it, yeah? If He made you, and He knows you, then He most definitely cares about your sex life. And if you’re not, but hey, this whole idea of a new start interests you, then keep pressing with it. Drop me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org or give the bible a read. Sex is good (apparently), and whilst I definitely don’t have all the answers, I know the guy who does.
Here’s a cheeky video for anyone looking to chat a certain someone up – even with a few gems from good old Solomon… Enjoy. 😉
Peace and blessings x